This week, the White Sox signed former Rangers LHP Derek Holland for 1 yr and $6M (plus incentives). A few observations……his nickname and twitter handle is the Dutch Oven. For those scoring at home, this is the definition I was able to pull from Urban Dictionary: dutch oven – The act of trapping a person under bed covers after releasing vile ass fumes. Ex/ Dave vomited on the sheets when his wife gave him a White Castle dutch oven.
Derek Holland might be the most openly 108 player to ever trot out from the left field bullpen to start a game at the Cell G-Spot. Another strange thing about Derek Holland is that he looks curiously like 70’s porn star John Holmes, I don’t know exactly what that means, but I am sure some of the single ladies (or men, not judging) in Chicago are already tryna find out.
Regardless, most of White Sox twitter had their head on straight and realized that this signing is for two main reasons…….1) As an insurance policy to protect the young arms you just acquired, none of which should start the season with the big club and those that are expected to possibly join the club should be on an innings limit in their first full season in the majors, so assuming Mr. Holland can stay healthy, he’ll hold them off for the appropriate amount of time. 2) He’s a lottery ticket, if by some chance (change of scenery, Don Cooper voodoo, other bullshit, etc), he returns to form (his 24-26 year old seasons were quite good), he’ll be tradeable for some young prospects (nothing great, but some depth and when you are rebuilding you can use some depth). The rest of White Sox twitter lost their shit and had some delusional ideas about this signing……..I won’t get into all the silliness, cuz why re-visit odd and weird things unless they are enjoyable, just get with the program, this is what a rebuild looks like. Happy Saturday!