The 5 – 5 Sort of Baseball Movies

Good day fam, it’s your pal BeefLoaf.  This is the time of year in which White Sox baseball is usually quiet on all fronts.  With Sox Fest behind us and minutes from Pitchers and Catchers, I figured I would bring you an unconventional 5.  A few days ago, I was interacting with some of White Sox Twitter and a few folks were aghast that “The Naked Gun” was being shown on MLB Network.  They asked “Is this really a baseball movie?”.  I answered, emphatically “YES” but I guess my definition varies from that of others, so I bring you, the 5 Baseball Movies that aren’t really Baseball Movies.
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5. The Fan – I can’t blame you if you haven’t seen this movie, it’s pretty awful.  But if you are interested in seeing Robert DeNiro play a really crazy guy, like much crazier than Travis Bickle, then you should check him out as Gil Renard.  When he reunites with his former little league catcher it is a real HOME RUN.  Also, “Bobby,…Do you care now Bobby?”
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4. The Naked Gun – This is the movie that sparked the topic and features humor in the same vain as “Airplane”.  “The Naked Gun” also features O.J. Simpson back when he was a nice, respectable white guy.  Leslie Nielsen is the star, with Priscilla Presley as his love interest (fellas, she still has her fastball in this film) and mucho cameos throughout.  It is a mystery to me why Reggie Jackson isn’t still in jail for trying to kill the Queen.
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3. The Untouchables – The most famous movie on the list has only one basebally scene.  It’s when Al Capone has all of his lieutenants around and gives a famous speech about his love for baseball and team play.  Then he proceeds to bash in the head of one of his people.  On balance the movie is fantastic.  Kevin Costner (who is in most baseball movies) has top billing, but for me, Sean Connery and Andy Garcia steal the show.
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2. My Blue Heaven – It stars Steve Martin, so obviously it’s great!  Anyway, this movie has baseball in and around and through it, from Barney Coopersmith (Rick Moranis) being cuckold by Wally Bunting, a fictional (and failing) San Diego Padres relief pitcher to Vincent Antonelli aka Todd Wilkinson (Steve Martin) hiding his extortion ring by using the funds to build a new little league baseball field for the children of Fryburg.  In the scene with Coopersmith and Bunting (whom Coopersmith’s wife is supposedly seeing professionally as a mental health care professional), Coopersmith tells him “Relief pitching, it’s a high risk occupation, anyone could give up a 7 run lead.” to which Bunting replies “8”.  Sounds to me like he might have been part of the White Sox bullpen that pitched at Kaufman on May 28th 2016.  This movie answers the question, “How many hotdogs do you want?” once and for all.

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1. Life – If you haven’t already seen this star studded Eddie Murphy and Martin Lawrence comedy, do yourself a favor and catch it, but catch it with the cursing, without the cursing some of the jokes don’t get there.  The quest for getting “Can’t Get Right”, yes, you read that correctly, that is a persons name, a contract with the Pittsburgh Crawfords of the Negro League to secure pardons from their life sentences is a major theme in the movie.
– BeefLoaf
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