This is the second part of a multi-part series in which I woo venture capitalists to put up the money for the 31st MLB team. If you’re not a venture capitalist and you don’t want to give me a dump truck full of cash, you can still read on.
We all know that stadiums are key to a team drawing in some fans. But more importantly, when you’re just making shit up you can build the stadium to fit the ridiculous team you threw together from the current free agents.
Hyman Roth was so damn upset that they didn’t even name a street after this guy that I’m gonna name a whole damn stadium after him. Moe Greene Memorial Park will be a fantastic dome in downtown Vegas. Yep, we’re going old school.
If you saw the horrid defensive outfield I put together and if you noticed the amount of power that should be in the lineup, then you know that the corners are gonna be about 300 ft and CF is gonna go all the way back to 375 ft. Look, they’re already juicing the balls, so what’s the difference if I pull the fence in ridiculously. And no, I’m not putting in some terrible 90 ft wall because I need at least one Melky over the wall catch. Also, RIP in peace to my pitchers’ ERAs.
Most MLB parks have some bars within the stadium and they vary in how cool or themed they are. Not here. The Vegas Chorizys have a sportsbook in the stadium, Lefty Rosenthal’s Aces High Sportsbook is out in left field of course. Just wait til you’re sitting there in late September asking your friend how the hell he got Oklahoma/Michigan! But it won’t just be the sportsbook. The upper deck will be $1 tickets, but we’re gonna have a hell of a lot of slot machines up there to make some cash. Last but not least, there will be a strip club “The Dugout” in center field. We assume you will meet Pete Rose there, even if you don’t want to.