This is the final part of a multi-part series in which I woo venture capitalists to put up the money for the 31st MLB team. If you’re not a venture capitalist and you don’t want to give me a dump truck full of cash, you can still read on.
You’re at the park, so time to shovel something into your face. I mean, this is America guys!
When I think snack food in Vegas, I think of the ridiculous downtown casinos that serve insane fried foods. We’re gonna have fried Twinkies in hopes we can sign Yoan Moncada in free agency at some point. We’ll also have fried Oreos, Snickers, and what the hell, just bring us food and we’ll throw it in the fryer for you for $1.
Obviously the food will be ridiculous. Actually, you know what? We’re just gonna have 30 Heart Attack Grills in the stadium. If you don’t know what that is, check it out: http://www.heartattackgrill.com/. You have to love their vegan option: Lucky Strike Cigarettes. That’s our kind of place. There will also be a buffet. And yes, we know plumbing will be a larger expense than our relief pitching staff.
Believe it or not, people like to drink in Vegas. Of course we’ll have those gigantic bull shit sugar drinks that you see idiots walking around with on the strip. We’ll probably do some stupid baseball bat full of everclear and blue ice too. But the real deal is finding the Casino Royale bar in right field (right behind the 108) where you’ll get their patented $2 Michelob special. My stomach hurts just thinking about all of this gloriously gross booze.