12 Days of 108mas: Worst Dad in Christmas Movies

If there is one thing Christmas movies are jammed pack with, it’s horrible dads.  For example, Peter McCallister leaves his 8 year old son at home while he goes off on a trip.  And then, when he realizes the shit, he doesn’t just go back by himself and take care of it.  But he’s not the worst.  The worst is Rand Peltzer from Gremlins.

The Intro

I just rewatched the movie to make sure I wasn’t giving him a bad rap.  I did not remember the very beginning of the movie.  The movie starts with Rand walking our of a dark alley with a young Asian boy.  They don’t explain how he met this kid or what he was doing in an alley with him.  That shit is simply skipped over, and then he follows the kid to some underground store that his grandfather runs.

The Purchase

Rand goes into the store to try and sell one of his shitty inventions, which I’ll get to soon, but is quickly distracted.  I think this is where I should mention that Judge Reinhold is in this movie, and it’s probable that he beats it to Phoebe Cates in this movie too, but that’s not shown.  What he does say, however, is that Billy Peltzer is basically supporting the family.  So this jackass makes it seem like he’s buying this Mogwai for his son, but he’s actually just throwing around $200 of his son’s cash like it’s fucking nothing.  Not to mention, he sees a creature that he’s never seen before and determines this to be an incredible present.  Even more confusing is that they show him talk to the kid for 5 seconds outside the shop at night.  He doesn’t get home til sometime later the next day and knows way more about the Mogwai and has named it.  What the hell are him and that kid up to?

The Inventions

Just a quick sidebar here.  His inventions are all awful.  Not only that, they’re just awful versions of existing inventions, like juicers and coffee makers.  Homer Simpson’s make-up shotgun is a better invention than his goddamn bathroom buddy or egg cracker or card dealer.  This guy is just the worst.

The Rest of the Movie

So he shows up with this weird ass creature, with weird ass rules and then he just hands the shit off and peaces out.  It’s incredibly irresponsible.  Like levels beyond my imagination.  And then you only hear from him a few times.  But at one point, he’s on his way home and might actually make it in time to do something.  Instead, he convinces a gas station worker to buy his bullshit ashtray.  I’m sure that fucking thing paid for his whole expensive ass trip.  So now, he shows up just in time to do absolutely nothing after his son saves the day.

The End

The old guy resurfaces and Billy finds out that his dad basically stole the Mogwai.  Just a fantastic cherry on top of this loser sundae.  Of course, he gives the guy an ashtray for his troubles, which is apparently his highest selling product: 1 sale.

-Chorizy-E

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Quernzy’s #108ing Holiday Gift Guide

As we get deep into the holiday season, you may be thinking “how can I stay in decent 108 form to be ready for next April?” or maybe “how do I teach the people I love about #108ing this holiday season?” Luckily, I have some shopping tips for you, since I’m a girl who loves to shop for myself and the 108 crew.

Quernzy and Chorizy-E’s Holiday Bar

Here it is 108ers: Your essential shopping list for proper #108ing. Outside of the baseball season, the holiday season is my favorite time for 108ing.

#108ing Starter Kit

We’ll start with a 108 Starter Kit because the name seems to fit. The 108 koozie is standard. It’s the easiest thing to bring with you anywhere. Representing at the game is key, but just think how prepared and professional you will look pulling a koozie out at a holiday party?!  Plus how great will you or your loved ones look in this hat?  Mustache not included.

Buy it here: #108ing Starter Kit

Tampon Flasks

Ladies, this is a gem of an Amazon find and they are perfect for games! Don’t worry, the security will not touch your tampons during their five-minute raid through every.single.corner.and.pocket of your purse. Allow me to digress into the #thatsBS corner because it happens every.single.game. One of these games I’ll be showing up with a purse filled with a box of regular tampons and nothing else. *Just* to see the reaction from security. And for my own entertainment.

Back to the tampon flasks – grab a delicious lemonade and add a couple shots of vodka from your tampon flasks. #yum

Buy it here: Tampon Flasks

Smirnoff Christmas Balls….of Vodka

I’m a sucker for holiday decorations and this is a genius holiday vodka promotion – a giant Xmas ornament filled with vodka. The bottle is pretty and I plan to re-use it next year. Like a Christmas decanter. So fun! You can find these in any liquor aisle.

Stocking Booze Bag

Next on the Xmas liquor-related gift list is this amazing stocking beverage holder.  I know it’s technically another flask, but this is not your normal flask.  You can fit a bottle of wine in this thing easily!

Buy it here: Stocking Booze Bag

Ornament Shot Glasses

And finally, for your holiday 108ing, *actual* ornaments that you can fill with your favorite beverage.  The 108ers will hit the short glasses every now and then, so what better way to do it during the holiday season.

Buy It here: Ornament Shot Glasses

Do you have more #108ing gift ideas?  Please hit up @quernzy and @fromthe108 with your favorites!

-Quernzy

The 5 – What if the White Sox do nothing?

I think most of the White Sox fandom believes the White Sox will do some spending this offseason.  However, let’s imagine a scenario where they do nothing in free agency.  More than that, what if they do nothing to add new players to the MLB roster?  What would you want to see happen?  Let me lay out what I’d like to see on what could be the lowest payroll since the Black Sox.

Trade for some prospects

If they don’t add to the team, it’s gonna be bad.  It’s gonna be a team that does not require Jose Abreu‘s services.  So let’s move him to a team that will send back prospects and take on his contract.  I think the Astros could be a fit, assuming they don’t bring back Marwin and want to use Gurriel in that role.  It’s possible they see Tyler White as the guy, but seeing an opportunity to add Abreu at 1b would be something they would not pass up.  In other words, Tyler can go play in Japan with Dayan Viciedo if they have a chance to land Abreu.

Change up third base

I feel, and I think most of us do, Yolmer is not a full time third basemen.  What I would like to see, if nothing is added from free agency, is Jose Rondon get a chance at third.  It is possible that he has the power to stay at third.  I am less concerned with the glove, that seems to play.  But what if we have Jose Ramirez light in Jose Rondon, does that solve the third base problem and allow spending elsewhere in 2019?  We’d still get all the Yolmer antics, but with like 20-25 HR from our third baseman.

The fifth starter

In this scenario, you pretty much know the first four in the rotation: Carlos Rodon, Reynaldo Lopez, Lucas Giolito, and Dylan Covey.  But who fills that fifth spot?  I am sure that Fulmer and other bad pitchers will get a chance to compete during Spring Training.  However, the guy that I’d like to see separate himself from the pack and take that role is Spencer Adams.  I don’t want to rush Cease or Dunning or Hansen to the rotation, so someone almost unexpected has to take this role.  Spencer Adams seems to be that guy.  DO YOU MISS JAMES SHIELDS YET?!

Clear out right field

There are a bunch of outfielders floating around in the system that are probably AAAA guys.  So first off, DFA Avisail Garcia and shed that $8M.  Next, commit to Daniel Palka at DH with minimal days in the OF.  Use 2019 to cycle through as many different outfielders as possible at as many spots as possible.  Nicky D, Cordell,  Tilson,  Engel, Leury, Basabe, Adolfo, and of course Eloy are all on the 40 man roster.  Let’s figure this shit out!

The bullpen

This is something I have discussed with ‘Loaf.  We have a stupid amount of relievers that have been acquired via trades by Rick Hahn.  Basically, if you have a minor league bullpen arm that is going to be Rule 5 eligible, just give Hahn a ring and he’ll give you something for that player.  Hahn is like the baseball card collector that grabs up as many commons as possible in hopes that one of these guys will become a star and it will all be worth it, but then realizes he’s living in a studio apartment and doesn’t have room for 25,000 baseball cards.  You have to sort out which of these arms is a real arm and build a bullpen for the future.  So cycle all of the guys on the 40-man throughout the 2019 season and much like RF, figure this shit out!

I hope, at this point, you are as depressed as I am looking at the bull flop team we would have if nothing is done in free agency.  But before you write “Brooks was here” on that ceiling beam, take a moment and realize that this should not happen.  Hahn, Kenny, and Jerry need to spend some money so all of the above is not our reality in 2019.

-Chorizy-E

The 108 Interview Series – Laurence Holmes

I recently got the opportunity to ask a few of our favorite questions to our favorite person on the radio.  And even though he’s down on my guy James Shields and I want to know a ton more about this Marquis Grissom incident, this is a great interview.  If you’re not familiar with Laurence Holmes, he’s the host of the Laurence Holmes Show on 670 the Score and he also has a fantastic podcast called House of L.  You should check out both, but as a Sox fan, I would definitely recommend checking out the Benetti episode of the podcast.  If you’re a fan of sports radio in general, the George Ofman episode is basically a history of Chicago sports radio.  I can go on for days about Laurence, but why not just check out his answers to our questions:

Likes

Favorite game that you were at? Blackout Game.

Favorite all-time player that does not have a statue on the concourse? Jermaine Dye.

Favorite drink and dinner at the park? I don’t really drink that often. Churros, street tacos, charred premium dog.

Favorite place to sit at Sox Park? Gold Club.

Favorite Sox uniform? Black Tops, Pinstripe Pant.

Favorite Sox giveaway? Hawk Alarm Clock.

Favorite Sox theme night? House Music Night.

Dislikes

What irks you the most about White Sox fans? Them worrying about what the Cubs are doing, when it isn’t a head-to-head series.

What is the worst part of being a Sox fan? Having to defend the South Side of Chicago to people who’ve never spent any time there.

Worst part of the game day experience? The lines on $1 dog day.

What really grinds your gears? Adult autograph seekers.

Least favorite White Sox player of all time? James Shields (although, professionally, he was great to deal with).

Worst opposing fans? Red Sox fans.

Game Day

Most memorable experience as a White Sox fan? Being on the World Series parade bus, turning down King Drive at 35th and seeing school children waving white socks at the parade as it went by. I choke up thinking about it every time.

Ballpark experience, how could it be better? I’ve never really had an issue that’s worthy of speaking of. I always walk away having had a great time.

Best Sox Park hack? Take the Green Line. Less crowded from downtown.

What brings you back for every game? I love baseball and Sox fans are lucky to have such a great park.

Feelings on the wave? Live your life, but I’m not participating.

Which gate is your favorite to enter the park from? 5. I like walking up the ramp and seeing the skyline.

How early do you get to games? If I’m working, 3:30 hours before the game. 10 minutes before first pitch if I’m just being a fan.

What do you bring to games? Whichever cap I feel like sporting that day.

How many games do you go to each year? 20-30.

Section 108 Questions

What is your favorite baseball word? “Filthy”

What is your least favorite baseball word? “unwritten rules”

What gets you excited about the White Sox?  The attempt at a full-fledged rebuild.

What makes you sad about the White Sox? All the injuries that have happened to the prospects.

What sound or noise at the ballpark do you love? Pop of the catcher’s mitt in the bullpen.

What sound or noise at the ballpark do you hate? The “make noise” thing.

What is your favorite Hawkism? Get on back there.

The Mets have Thor, what superhero or superheroes do the Sox have? Yolmer is kind of like Rocket Raccoon…

What comic book character would be your #1 pick as a baseball player? Captain America.

What comic book movie would you remake? Green Lantern.

What comic book character deserves a movie that has not yet had one? Black Adam.

Which two guys from your A Team would you pick to go against the 108ers in 3 on 3 basketball (we got a lot of girth)? Tony Gill & Melissa Rokaitis

Gimme an “Uncle Rico” moment from your sports playing past.  I once pitched 5 2/3 of relief in the first game of a doubleheader (we were getting blown out) against Northwestern. My curve ball got more effective as my arm tired out and I started the 2nd game because I was having success. I struck out 7. Back then I could throw 80 mph. I was a catcher. I couldn’t lift my arm for a week after that.

You vs Siera Santos in a hot dog eating contest..What is the line? Who wins? I got Crohn’s disease. No eating contests for me.

The White Sox want to add a doughnut stand in the park, what local establishment should it be? Huck Finn. It makes too much sense.

Favorite cut of steak? Prepared? Filet. Medium Well.

You seem to be comfortable in all forms of media: radio, tv, pod, social media. Is there any type of media you dislike? Nope.

Mitch walks in and says you have to take on a co-host, but it can be anyone you want. Who are you on the air with the next day? Goff.

You seem to work hard to get your producers involved with your on air show (Herb, Joe O, etc) with great success over time, how are you able to do that and why is that important to you? The show is loosely based on what Dan Patrick and Dan LeBatard are doing. Yeah, I’m the center of it, but I work with a lot of talented people. I think it’s important to let them shine. My job is to help them get to the next place, whether it’s another time slot as a producer or helping them develop their on-air style. I believe in the theory of “lift as you climb.”

When should we expect the release of the other 2 hours of the Jason Goff interview we all know is out there? It’s my highest rated episode of the podcast. Why would I horde extra sound?

What is your greatest fear about the “rebuild”? That injuries will derail the vision.

What is there about this team that excites you the most? Not lot to be excited about right now. Just want to see what their approach is to the offseason, with free agency and how they’re managing prospect development.

Give us a #HotTake about the rebuild. I don’t do #HotTake.

What was your go-to DePaul bar? I think State has really good food.

Would you rather see a DePaul football program or Demon Dogs reopen?  DePaul having a football team would raise my salary as a professor, so that…

What is your favorite alcoholic drink? Be specific and feel free to go with more than one if you need to. My wife was a bartender for 20 years. She makes a killer margarita on the rocks with kosher salt on the rim.

You’re coming to a FromThe108 tailgate, other than Herb Lawrence, what are you bringing? Whatever you guys need me to bring.

Best #108ing story (that you can tell us) I’m pretty boring. Other than Jonathon Hood and I relentlessly mocking Marquis Grissom, I got nothing.

Who do you hate more Jim Belushi or John Cusack? Belushi.

Happy Ending

What other Chicago teams do you enjoy? All of them, but I’m only emotionally attached to DePaul.

Favorite Chicago sports history moment? Jackie Robinson breaking the color barrier.

Favorite all-time Sox broadcaster? Jason Benetti.

Any stories about running into or meeting White Sox players? Other Chicago athletes? I convinced Charles Tillman to run the Shamrock Shuffle. He beat me by 25 minutes without training.

Favorite band? The Roots.

What is your favorite song? “As” by Stevie Wonder

Favorite TV Show (or Netflix or HBO or whatever)? Star Trek: Next Generation.

Do you remember your first Sox game? Nope. They all blend together from when I was kid.

What player had the greatest impact on you? Paul Konerko. Best interview in town.

What was the happiest day watching the Sox? The end of game 3 of the 2005 World Series. I finally felt like they were going to win.

What was the saddest day watching the Sox? End of the 2012 season. They had gotten the magic number down to 11 and then collapsed.

If you could live in any other time, when might that be? There’s not really a time in the past where things get easier for people of color. I’d be interested in checking out the future as long as I had the choice to come back to now.

If you could have dinner with five White Sox players/broadcasters, past and present, who would they be? Not to brag, but I’ve had a meal with: Hawk, Stone, DJ, Ed, and Benetti, so I’m pretty much covered.

If you could change one thing in your past, what might that be? I would’ve gone to Law School.

What are you most proud of? Being the GOAT of uncles and teaching my students.

How would you like to be remembered? As someone who worked hard and was a great teammate.

What is the one thing about you few people know? I’m uncomfortable in crowds.

What do you dislike most about yourself? I don’t say no enough.

What do you dislike most in others? Being inauthentic.

What were your best/worst subjects in school? I have a degree in History. I’ve always hated math.

What do you like doing in your spare time? Strangely enough, watching sports.

Who is your celebrity crush? J-Lo.

What is your favorite movie? Training Day.

What is your favorite baseball movie? Sugar.

What is your biggest/weirdest fear? Failure.

What would be your one super power? Physical regeneration.

What would you change your name to? I love my name.

What pet would you love to have? I don’t have time to take care of a pet properly.

What is your one biggest pet peeve? Talent that isn’t matched by drive.

What is your one annoying habit? Forgetting where I put my keys.

What would be a good theme song for your life? “Til I Collapse” by Eminem

What ballpark would you like to visit? Dodger Stadium.

Family Style – Interview Series – Ozzie Guillen Jr

We’re starting a new interview series in which we interview people who have a unique connection to the White Sox, the family of the players/managers we know and love.  To kick this off, I interviewed the son of one of my all-time favorite White Sox, Ozzie Guillen.  I can’t understate how much I loved Ozzie as a kid.  I was a huge Jose Canseco fan, who was a Latino superstar, but Ozzie was here in Chicago, playing for my team.  It was important to me, and it’s probably why I like to shave down to a mustache more often than my wife would probably like.  But enough about me and my facial hair, check out this interview with Ozzie Guillen Jr.

Likes

Favorite game that you were at?  Blackout Game. Buehrle perfect game. Opening Day New Comiskey Park, World Series Game 4 2005. Been many ones lol. Worst game when Jim Thome hit a bomb in Minnesota lol still has not landed. And losing in Tampa in 2008 I wanted to cry.

Favorite all-time player that does not have a statue on the concourse and is not related to you?  Robin Ventura sweet swing and solid glove. Also shared a locker next to me lol as a kid Ozzie and Robin had a locker between them I would say it was mine lol. Now that I think about it we must have driven him nuts.

Favorite drink and dinner at the park?  The Patio hands down the best place to eat before the game. The Bertucci boys do it right. Love that place.

Favorite place to sit at Sox Park?  Growing up we made my dad get behind the plate seats at the new stadium 6 seats deep. They would be consider the scout seats today. I once sat in the scout seats a few years back with a friend and the view is even better now and not to mention the service. Every fan should do it once.

Favorite Sox uniform?  Good guys wear black. My team is the 93 boys. I love that black Jersey I call it the super power jersey. The bad streak breaker.

Favorite Sox giveaway?  I loved bat day as a kid. And now obsessed with any Hawk related. But I love the T shirts now. I been going to bed with a Dick Allen shirt at least 5 times a month lol. It’s on my pajama rotation.

Favorite Sox theme night?  It has not been created yet lol. Hawk night lol.

Dislikes

What irks you the most about White Sox fans?  How much we worry about Cubs fans and what they do.

What is the worst part of being a Sox fan?  #2 syndrome. We seem to finish 2 a lot when I was growing up. And well now people acting like the Sox never won before the Cubs. LOL I did it you see I can’t help it lol.

Worst part of the game day experience?  Don’t have any complaints I hate when I can’t listen to the pre-game video lol.

What really grinds your gears?  When Sox fans call Ozzie a quitter after 2011 that was not the case. And people getting mad at me for being happy Cubs got a ring. LOL

Least favorite White Sox player of all time?  LOL nice try.

Worst opposing fans?  Tiger fans very aggressive.

Game Day

Most memorable White Sox experience?  Well my first broadcast in Spanish ever was awesome for me but I would say game one World Series and winning the World Series in Houston.

Ballpark experience, how could it be better?  Put charging outlets on the seats lol. And making Sox Ball Park a connected Stadium. I can also make that happen lol. That’s what I do for work lol.

Best Sox Park hack?  Like the best thing in the ballpark is the food we have the best food in baseball.

What brings you back for every game?  The opportunity to compete for a win. Watching baseball and seeing the team. So many memories at the Park. I still get chills every opening day. And I still go.

Feelings on the wave?  Not my thing. I go to the game to watch baseball. I keep score and analyze. To me baseball is everything I was raised that way.

How many games do you go to each year?  20 Sox games now. Wish it was more. But listen to radio and watch anywhere I am at. I follow baseball closely.

Section 108 Questions

What is your favorite baseball word?  Double

What is your least favorite baseball word?  Double Play

What gets you excited about the White Sox?  The Optimist Future.

What makes you sad about the White Sox?  That Ozzie Guillen is not working for them in any capacity yet. I love to see Ozzie advice in the front office. Ozzie is a great in game manager but even a better baseball mind. A PhD. Him working with Rick, Getz, Kenny, helping in development and scouting especially in Latin America and Venezuela would be beneficial to the organization. God time is always perfect. All families fight but they are family. White Sox is family to us.

What sound or noise at the ballpark do you love?  Gene Honda voice over the loud speakers asking for Sox fans to get on their feet for the 2019 White Sox.

What sound or noise at the ballpark do you hate?  Silence means it is not going well, no game, or worst a moment of silence for someone passing.

What is your favorite Hawkism?  HE GONE

We once saw your dad at Beer Bistro during a Summer Olympics.  We didn’t want to bother him, so we just sent a round of drinks over to the table, where everyone was sitting except Ozzie.  He was standing, cheering on the Venezuelan volleyball team, and holding court.  This was after he just managed a game.  Is he 100% energy 100% of the time?  Ozzie is very passionate about everything in life. But a wonderful human being. Ozzie cares about a few things Family, Baseball, and working lol. He is very misunderstood if you spend ten minutes where he is from in Venezuela you understand. The guy is a survivor. But one thing everyone needs to know Ozzie loves his White Sox. His nick name now is baby Hawk.

Make the case for Ozzie Guillen Sr returning to the White Sox as Manager.  Good Question but not fair to the sitting manager. I hate seeing on twitter when they say so and so will replace him. He’s our guy today right now. If that were ever to change then ask me then.

What players on the current team would be perfect for an Ozzie Guillen lead team?  Don’t know any personally Ozzie does best with guys that are not sensitive lol. Yolmer and him would have a lot of fun.

How would Adam LaRoche and Chris Sale been handled differently on an Ozzie Guillen lead team?  Those situations were bizarre. But don’t know. Looking back they will be situations that will be funny stories of the team. I was asked once to leave the club house lol Terry Bevington.

What is your greatest fear about the “rebuild”?  I hate the word. Every team that misses the playoffs are in a “rebuild” lol Building a team takes time this is not the NBA and teams have budgets lol. Not MLB the Show guys. They have done it successful in the past before they were called rebuilds.

What is there about this team that excites you the most?  The Depth of the roster is stronger now. No one believes in them other than them.

Give us a #HotTake about the rebuild.  Eloy Jimenez will be exciting to watch next year.

Tell us about your continued involvement in baseball in Chicago and elsewhere.  I do radio spots here and there talking white sox, cubs and mlb.  Ozzie senior is managing in winter ball. So help him put his team together unofficially. I assist write stuff down lol  My brother Ozney Guillen will be a great front office guy one day when he decided to stop playing. Kid is a baseball mind. I play way to much fantasy baseball am just a fan now. Whenever am needed to do a game in Spanish just call me I will be there.

You vs Siera Santos in a hot dog eating contest..What is the line?  Who wins?  Sierra I enjoy my hot dogs am a fat kid.

Favorite cut of steak?  Prepared?  Rib eye Medium

Favorite restaurant in Chicago?  Joes Stone Crab

Favorite place to eat near Comiskey Park as a kid?  I went to grade school in Bridgeport Love Punky Pizza & Pasta

Happy Ending

What other Chicago teams do you enjoy?  All Chicago Teams, including the Cubs yes I do watch them. Like I said I love Baseball.

Favorite Chicago sports history moment?  Ozzie Guillen raising a World Series Trophy

Favorite all-time Sox broadcaster?  Hawk

Which player had the biggest impact on you?  As a player I would say Joey Cora. Off the field Jose Contreras and Freddy Garcia.

Favorite band?  Los Amigos Invisible

What is your favorite song?  Eminem – Am not Afraid

Favorite TV Show (or Netflix or HBO or whatever)?  I watch way to much tv but obsessed with Billions and Shameless. All time Arliss

What was the happiest day watching the Sox?  First home game 2004 season. Aparicio, Chico and David Concepcion all there to watch Ozzie manage. All his hero watching him make it. Big deal to the family. White Sox did that for him it was special.

What was the saddest day watching the Sox?  Watching Ozzie give the press conference 2011 after his last game. He was dying inside.

If you could live in any other time, when might that be?  1980 and being 21 and a baseball player. But I might be dead already.

If you could change one thing in your past, what might that be?  I think be more mature. Appreciate what was around me more and the people. At 34 I see the world very different then I did at 24. And I never should have told anyone about twitter lol.

What are you most proud of?  Being a dad for sure. Being the first person in my family with a college degree and a MBA. My parents did not get that chance in life. So I honor them by that.

How would you like to be remembered?  Someone who always try hard and cared. Stood for what I believed in. Everywhere I go doors are open because the way my father has treated people I like for my kids to be the same.

What is the one thing about you few people know?  I don’t drink anymore. I was a big party guy in my twenties. LOL

What do you dislike most about yourself?  I hate confrontation. And I care too much what others think

What do you dislike most in others? Double standards and not respecting other people views and culture.

What were your best/worst subjects in school?  History best, Math worst

What do you like doing in your spare time?  Spending time with my family. I don’t think people realize how close we are. I think sometimes even to a fault. But that’s how we were raised family first. So being with them. Playing MLB the Show and PS4,Watching Tv, Reading, I read a lot. Any subject am intrigued by. Learning sabermetrics has been fun talking to my dad and combining the two and bonding with him over that and a cigar is priceless. Love playing fantasy baseball.

Who is your celebrity crush?  Mila Kunis

What is your favorite movie?  Man I have a lot but Tropic Thunder Lol

What is your favorite baseball movie?  For the Love of the Game / Eight Men Out

What is your biggest/weirdest fear?  No being good enough.

What would be your one super power?  Read minds

What would you change your name to?  Ozzie it’s not my legal name lol

What pet would you love to have?  English Bull Dog had two in my life named DH. We wanted to name him Harold Baines as a kid but my mom would not allow us. So DH it was. We also had a second base who was going to be Joey Cora. Lol

What is your one biggest pet peeve?  Not respecting others culture

What is your one annoying habit?  Dip when I play video games and watch baseball lol

What would be a good theme song for your life?  Eminem – Am not Afraid.

Chorizy’s Mascot Assistant Job Application

If you don’t pay attention to the job openings within the White Sox organization, you probably missed the posting for a Mascot Assistant.  You should definitely apply, but know you will be going head to head with me, Chorizy-E for the job.  My application is below just to intimidate you further.  Not to mention, Southpaw and Beefloaf are pals.

https://www.mlb.com/whitesox/team/job-opportunities#mascot-assistant

Responsibilities:

  • Assist in the coordination and execution of Southpaw’s event activations. This includes, but is not limited to: Chicago White Sox home games, White Sox-related events, and Corporate Partner activations.

I’m not sure what Southpaw’s activations are, but let me just tell you that I’m not above being a fluffer.  In my younger days, times were tough and you take what jobs you can get.  So I have a bit of experience in “activations”.

  • Responsible for coordinating Southpaw’s school shows.
  • Emcee Southpaw’s school shows.

I used to work “Fashion” Shows at a bar on Lake Street back in the day.  I mainly bar backed, but one time when the DJ had a weird throat infection, I had to emcee.  I assume school shows are about the same thing.

  • Set up and break down mascot equipment for games and events.

I used to work merch for Pigface and Dope back in the day and they had elaborate setups.  I can definitely do the same with mascot gear.

  • Work alongside the Mascot Coordinator to oversee a successful partnership between the White Sox and independent event organizations.

I assume this is similar to Sluggerr’s handler in KC.  I’ve done some research on that and I’m definitely the guy for the job.

  • Act as the on-site liaison at Southpaw’s activations.

On-site liaison, I dig.  If there is one thing I am good at, it’s scoring you whatever you need.  Just no meth, we don’t need Southpaw’s fur getting all patchy and shit.

  • Speak to guests and fans for Southpaw during in-game visits and appearances.

I love talking with people, especially after a solid 6-10 Modelo tall boys.  I mean, I already do this at a majority of Southpaw’s appearances.

  • Be in suit for appearances as seen fit by the Mascot Coordinator.

I have what Sir Mix A Lot would call a juicy double, but if I can squeeze it into those tight uniform pants I’ll definitely throw on the big green head too.

Qualifications/Characteristics:

  • College degree in Marketing, Performing Arts, or other related field.

Surprisingly I have a college degree.

  • Effective communication skills, both oral and written.

Are you reading this shit?  Yeah, pretty obvious I got skillz.

  • 1 year game presentation or performance experience in dance; performance or acting training is highly preferred.

Nuff said

  • Due to costume restrictions, ideal height range is 5’8″ to 6’0″.

5’9″ but Husky sized pants

  • Strong organizational skills; must be able to multi-task.

Quadruple fisting is no problem

  • Previous mascot experience in college or another professional capacity.

I have no mascot experience, but this is a ridiculous request since you don’t require experience to manage the actual team.

  • Must have strong interpersonal skill with the ability to work with multiple departments and initiatives

I’ve yet to be kicked out of a Sox game despite extreme intoxication, so yeah, I’ve worked with most departments in the org without incident.

  • Must be comfortable speaking in public as an emcee with ability to be spontaneous when interacting with a crowd.

Happy to spread the gospel according to Chorizy

  • Event management experience is preferred

I assume you’ve already heard about the FromThe108/SoxOn35th tailgates.

  • Must be available to work nights and/or weekends as dictated by the game/event schedule

I’m already at the games.  As long as drinking and occasionally passing out is cool.

-Chorizy-E