2018 Predictions Show

Just wanted to thank everyone that came out last night, those that watched on Periscope, and Baderbrau for hosting.  It was a ton of fun and we got a chance to catch up with some more Sox friends.  Hope everyone had as good of a time as we did.

The predictions were pretty insane, so just our speed.  My personal favorites were Bonita Steakie’s prediction about Chris Sale and MSS’s about what would happen if Javier Baez stepped to Yoan Moncada.  Others mentioned in the predictions included Rick Renteria, Ron Kittle, Mike North, Peter North, James Shields, OJ Simpson, Eloy Jimenez, Todd Frazier, Marge Schott, Michael Kopech, Charlie Tilson, James Duda, Adam Engel, AlohaMrHand, Avisail Garcia, Nate Jones, Harambe, and more.  Check it out here:



Las Vegas Chorizys: The Concessions

This is the final part of a multi-part series in which I woo venture capitalists to put up the money for the 31st MLB team.  If you’re not a venture capitalist and you don’t want to give me a dump truck full of cash, you can still read on.

You’re at the park, so time to shovel something into your face.  I mean, this is America guys!


When I think snack food in Vegas, I think of the ridiculous downtown casinos that serve insane fried foods.  We’re gonna have fried Twinkies in hopes we can sign Yoan Moncada in free agency at some point.  We’ll also have fried Oreos, Snickers, and what the hell, just bring us food and we’ll throw it in the fryer for you for $1.


Obviously the food will be ridiculous.  Actually, you know what?  We’re just gonna have 30 Heart Attack Grills in the stadium.  If you don’t know what that is, check it out: http://www.heartattackgrill.com/.  You have to love their vegan option: Lucky Strike Cigarettes.  That’s our kind of place.  There will also be a buffet.  And yes, we know plumbing will be a larger expense than our relief pitching staff.


Believe it or not, people like to drink in Vegas.  Of course we’ll have those gigantic bull shit sugar drinks that you see idiots walking around with on the strip.  We’ll probably do some stupid baseball bat full of everclear and blue ice too.  But the real deal is finding the Casino Royale bar in right field (right behind the 108) where you’ll get their patented $2 Michelob special.  My stomach hurts just thinking about all of this gloriously gross booze.


Las Vegas Chorizys: The Stadium

This is the second part of a multi-part series in which I woo venture capitalists to put up the money for the 31st MLB team.  If you’re not a venture capitalist and you don’t want to give me a dump truck full of cash, you can still read on.

We all know that stadiums are key to a team drawing in some fans.  But more importantly, when you’re just making shit up you can build the stadium to fit the ridiculous team you threw together from the current free agents.


Hyman Roth was so damn upset that they didn’t even name a street after this guy that I’m gonna name a whole damn stadium after him.  Moe Greene Memorial Park will be a fantastic dome in downtown Vegas.  Yep, we’re going old school.


If you saw the horrid defensive outfield I put together and if you noticed the amount of power that should be in the lineup, then you know that the corners are gonna be about 300 ft and CF is gonna go all the way back to 375 ft.  Look, they’re already juicing the balls, so what’s the difference if I pull the fence in ridiculously.  And no, I’m not putting in some terrible 90 ft wall because I need at least one Melky over the wall catch.  Also, RIP in peace to my pitchers’ ERAs.


Most MLB parks have some bars within the stadium and they vary in how cool or themed they are.  Not here.  The Vegas Chorizys have a sportsbook in the stadium, Lefty Rosenthal’s Aces High Sportsbook is out in left field of course.  Just wait til you’re sitting there in late September asking your friend how the hell he got Oklahoma/Michigan!  But it won’t just be the sportsbook.  The upper deck will be $1 tickets, but we’re gonna have a hell of a lot of slot machines up there to make some cash.  Last but not least, there will be a strip club “The Dugout” in center field.  We assume you will meet Pete Rose there, even if you don’t want to.



Las Vegas Chorizys: The Players

This is the first part of a multi-part series in which I woo venture capitalists to put up the money for the 31st MLB team.  If you’re not a venture capitalist and you don’t want to give me a dump truck full of cash, you can still read on.

Now, as you know, there are a ton of free agents still out there.  So let’s see if we can put together an actual major league team.  And not a bullshit Major League 3: Back to the Minors team.  Let’s go:


Jonathan Lucroy and Geovany Soto are gonna man this position.  Obviously Lucroy is the starter as he’s just younger and better.  I know Carlos Ruiz is out there, but he’s older than me so I’m not gonna trust him to crouch behind the plate more than 5 or 6 times in a season.  This is a good start.  Two actual players that might actually still be able to play.

UPDATE: Fuck, we have to pick up Carlos Ruiz now.  Have fun with the A’s Jonathan


There are definitely some guys here that are surprisingly still available.  The most exciting thing is that we’ve found a home for Mike Moustakas.  But let’s round out the infield with Neil Walker at 2B, J.J. Hardy at SS, and Mark Reynolds at 1B.  We’ll throw Yunel Escobar in as our utility man.  We’ve got some pretty good players and at the corners a lot of power and a shitload of strikeouts.  So far so good.

UPDATE: It was between Jhonny Peralta and Brandon Phillips, but I had to go with Phillips since he’s much more likely to give us some good sound bites.

UPDATE: Well, the NYY grabbed Walker, so now we need to slot in Peralta at 3B and Phillips at 2B


This is where things get sketchy.  Let’s fill in the corner OF spots first.  Let’s put Carlos Gonzalez in RF and Melky Cabrera in LF.  Feels good so far.  But let’s look at CF.  With Jon Jay coming off the board, we’re left with very little as far as guys who can not look like Kyle Schwarber out there.  I’m gonna go with Drew Stubbs mainly because I think it’s an awesome name.  He sounds like he should play guitar in a blues band, but instead he’s just a bad CF.  Franklin Gutierrez will be our 4th OF.  I’ve drafted him in about 100 different fantasy leagues over the years and I am always disappointed, so why stop now.

UPDATE: Well, Cargo is gone, so this outfield is gonna continue to get worse defensively with the addition of Jose Bautista.  Joey Bats better bring the lumber.

Designated Hitter

Matt Holliday is our guy here.  What I like about him is that even though he probably can’t hit anymore, we can get a good chuckle out of him playing the field every once in a while.

Starting Pitchers

This is where we make our mark.  We can still put together a pretty good rotation.  Jake Arrieta, Alex Cobb, and Lance Lynn are obvious choices even if MySoxSummer only knows who one of those guys is.  Our 4 and 5 are gonna be Jeremy Hellickson and Scott Feldman.  Kudos to MLB teams for taking all the fun choices I had for those (Bartolo and Timmy).  Regardless of who we get here, Arrieta is key since he obviously has access to “pilates” or whatever he calls steroids.

UPDATE: With Lynn going to the Twins, we could pick up Anibal Sanchez now that he’s been jettisoned from the 40 man roster.  But instead, we’re gonna add a knuckleballer to the mix.  I mean, why not add R.A. Dickey when you have a couple of old catchers that will need to learn to catch him.

UPDATE: We could not procure Jake Arrieta.  He has taken his pilates talents to Philly.  So I’m going back to an old favorite: Jake Peavy.

UPDATE: Hellickson is off the board, so we’re picking up Matt Garza.

Relief Pitchers

This is a bit of a rough group, but we’re gonna go with a bunch of dudes who have closed games regardless of their age or arm health, so in other words, the Sox bullpen.  Greg Holland will close and with us only carrying 12 position players, we gotta pick up 7 more dudes (sounds like the start to a group “love” video).  So let’s rattle em off: Huston Street, Drew Storen, Chad Qualls, Koji Uehara, Jason Grilli, Joe Blanton, and since we probably need a lefty Eric O’Flaherty.

UPDATE: Koji decided to go play in Japan instead of for the Chorizys.  That cuts deep.  We’ll pick up Trevor Cahill to be the young buck of this team (he’s 30).

UPDATE: Cahill just signed.  We’re gonna see how Ubaldo Jimenez likes throwing from the pen.  I mean, really, he ain’t getting a starting job any time soon.


Dusty Baker is gonna be this manager.  What better place for an old pimp than a state where prostitution is mostly legal.  Don’t worry, we’ll figure out a way to get Juan Uribe on this staff as well.

Now I know this isn’t the best team you’ve ever seen, but it’s way better than what should be available.  So fill up that dump truck full of money and back it up to Chorizy’s place so we can drive it out to Vegas.


Best White Sox Logos

Yesterday during our pre-game drinking video, we discussed our favorite White Sox logos.

While we all agree the batter is the best logo, let’s take a look at a few of our other favorites:

Beefloaf’s favorite:

Chorizy-E’s favorite:

My Sox Summer’s favorite:

Thanks to @ChiSoxAnthony27 for the question.

For more from yesterday’s video, check it out on YouTube:


Why is a great James Shields year so ridiculous?

If you’ve been following along, you know that I have fallen madly in love with the 2018 James Shields season.  It is a love affair like no other and I will not apologize for it.  Even if he has a terrible year, I won’t be upset about how much hope and time I have put into this.  But seriously, why is it so ridiculous for Shields to have a great year?

Yes, I Know

Of course I realize that his past few years have been rough.  Giving up 67 HRs in your last 54 games is not good.  Having your ERA explode up into the 5s is not good.  And losing velocity on your fastball is probably the worst of all of these.  On top of that, his 2017 season was limited by injuries and he pitched the least amount of innings in his career.  But in the immortal words of Vincent Gambini

The Defense Defense

One thing that helped Shields greatly when he was in Tampa and KC was having good defenses behind him.  Last year, he surely did not have this.  But this year, if you have Yolmer Sanchez at 3b and Tim Anderson bounces back, the infield starts to look pretty good defensively.  There is also a chance you’ll see an outfield of Avisail Garcia, Adam Engel, and Charlie Tilson.  That won’t be everyday, but that is also pretty solid.  Add into it, an actual major league catcher in Wellington Castillo and maybe we have a real defense to back him up.  Is this so ridiculous to think?

Coop Can Fix Him

Every year, people ask who we’re gonna get that Coop is gonna fix.  As if it’s been a non-stop train of Matt Thornton and Anthony Swarzak for the past 15 years.  We like to forget about Mike MacDougal and David Aardsma and a million other hard throwing pitchers that he could not fix.  But let’s keep the narrative going that Coop and now Dave Duncan are these Pitcher Whisperers.  Why is it ridiculous to think they can help Shields get back on track?  Let’s get that new arm slot working!

The Prediction Itself

Now I know we joke about the James Shields Cy Young thing, but how about this:  If I say James Shields will have a sub 4 ERA, pitch 200 innings, and have 160 Ks, I would be laughed out of the building.  And based solely off of his last two years, I understand why you’d laugh.  But James Shields has actually done that 7 times in his career and as recently as 2015.  It shouldn’t be ridiculous to think he could again.  And to put this in perspective of bold claims, think about what you believe to be reasonable for our prospects to do.  If I told you that Eloy Jimenez would come up this year and hit 15 dingers, you’d high five me and agree.  But why?  He’s played a total of 18 games above A ball.  So why is that reasonable, but Shields having a great year is insane?  Shields has gotten MVP and Cy Young votes in the past 5 years.  Why is it ridiculous to think that Shields might have something left in that right arm?

I know it’s not a popular opinion, but maybe it’s not crazy.  Maybe there is reason to think he can bounce back.  Maybe the Sox will have to think about his 2019 option.



The 5 – Remaining Free Agents

During the Saturday Soak, we discussed where the top remaining free agents would land.  Here’s a quick recap:

Mike Moustakas

Beefloaf: Cleveland Indians
MySoxSummer: Not the Chicago Cubs
Chorizy-E: Baltimore Orioles

Jake Arrieta

Beefloaf: Minnesota Twins
MySoxSummer: Colorado Rockies
Chorizy-E: Washington Nationals

Lance Lynn

Beefloaf: Oakland Athletics
MySoxSummer: Not a real person
Chorizy-E: Minnesota Twins

Alex Cobb

Beefloaf: Minnesota Twins
MySoxSummer: Who?
Chorizy-E: Philadelphia Phillies

Jonathan Lucroy

Beefloaf: Cleveland Indians
MySoxSummer: Doesn’t give a fuck
Chorizy-E: Arizona Diamondbacks

For more of the madness behind these predictions, check out the Saturday Soak on YouTube



Big Frank’s Big Money Maker

Let me kick this off by saying that I love Frank Thomas.  I love that he went into the Hall of Fame and named every one of his teammates.  I love all the dingers I watched him hit as a young Sox fan.  I love all the scandalous tales I hear about his off the field exploits.  I love that he played college football.  I love that he was sweating like a whore in church when his statue was presented, because they made him wear a suit on a 105 degree day.  I love pretty much everything about Frank, except one thing.  Frank Thomas the entrepreneur.

Now I get it, if you have money, people will constantly come at you with insane ideas that they’d like you to fund.  And I’ll give Frank the benefit of the doubt and assume that’s what is at play here.  Whether it be the ridiculous record  label he started.  The song about “hit me on my pager” has aged very well.  Or his beer that most people compared to either malt liquor or Icehouse.  Two Chorizy-E faves, but definitely not for the masses.  Or his restaurants, which as you may have heard, had the last one close its doors earlier this month.

When this closed, you saw a number of people on social media jump to Frank with the next business venture he should get involved with.  All fabulous ideas, I am sure.  However, maybe let’s not have Frank sink any more money into a business.  Maybe, just maybe, let’s have Frank do some other things that can still be fun for everyone, but can line his pockets a bit.

First up, he should take a Shaq-esque approach to commercials.  We all love the boner pill one he’s got on the air right now, so why not keep the ball rolling.  Take over whatever bull shit commercials would go to Eddie and Jobo.  Wherever there is going to be a local spot featuring Steve Harvey, switch that to Frank.  Whenever you’re gonna have a gross looking 900 yr old former athlete or coach pushing wine at Binny’s, get the Big Hurt instead.

Next, we need some special appearances.  Obviously these are paid appearances.  To think of a few options.  Take Big Frank over to Grandstand when it’s fully stocked and we’ll play a game of how many aisles Frank can actually squeeze through.  Bring him to a tailgate to bust fluorescent light bulbs over the heads of Sox Mafia.  Get him over to The BallPark Pub to bet on which commercial will be next with the Second City Sports guys.  And most definitely get him to Baderbrau for the next wrestling event and have him body slam Ronnie Woo Woo.

And if none of that tickles his fancy, and he wants to keep burning cash, he can partner with us and open the 108 Lounge in the old Ramova Theater.

Current Events with Chorizy-E – Esteban Loaiza

If you haven’t been paying attention to the news today, Esteban Loaiza was arrested on drug charges. He had, in his possession, about 20 kilos of either cocaine or heroin. Details are still coming out and it’s worth following a more reputable news source than the 108 to get updates on this developing story.

To me, this is very weird and for some reason, I feel like a lot more is going to unravel as more information comes out. It’s just strange that someone who made $40 plus million in the MLB not too long ago has now turned drug trafficker. Maybe he has, I mean, there is a shit load of evidence. And weirder things have happened. I would have never assumed Sammy Sosa would become an effeminate white cowboy when he was done playing, but lo and behold:

But let’s not live in the negativity of this story. Let’s focus on something else, maybe a bold prediction. An important note here is that he was arrested in California. So here’s a Chorizy certified bold prediction: Esteban Loaiza will break all of Ricky Vaughn’s California Penal League records. Now I know Esteban is 46 years old, but the guy was still playing in the Mexican League in his early 40s. Not only that, it’s apparent that he has an excellent PED connection, which can only help. And remember, Ricky had the heat when he was in the CPL, but not the control. So these are attainable records. Who knows, with good behavior and OJ’s lawyers, he might be out to pitch in his 50s for Team Mexico in the WBC.


Up Your Bacon Game

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know I am supposed to be trying to lose weight.  But that will not stop me from loving certain things like beer and, of course, bacon.  And as I sit here and think about bacon, I think that the Sox can do so much more with bacon than they do.

Bacon on a Stick

There is some novelty to the bacon on a stick thing, but at the end of the day, it’s a $5 piece of bacon.  It’s good bacon, but again, it’s just a single piece of bacon.  I think we can get something better than that.

Bacon Buns

Just travel a bit down the road from the park to Bridgeport Bakery and get some bacon buns.  This is a simple yet delicious creation of bacon inside a croissant style roll.  If they sold these by the bag at the park, they’d run out quicker than $1 hot dogs.

Bacon Burger

This may sounds simple, but I’m not talking about a burger with bacon.  I’m talking about a burger made of ground bacon.  And you know what, while we’re being health, let’s use a doughnut as the bun.  Probably a maple bacon doughnut.

Bacon Explosion

I gotta be honest, I have no idea how you’d eat this at the park.  But my lord this is a wild creation.  You should google this bad boy because I can’t do this greasy football justice with mere words.