The One-Hitter – Jose Canseco

With the “launch” of Cansecoin this week, I’ve had one of my all time favorite players on my mind.  And then all of the sudden, I saw him get lumped into “the over the hill guys” that the Sox love to sign.  Luckily, @KenWo4LiFe was there to jump in:

And he’s right!  You may remember it differently or you may just dislike Jose Canseco, but the guy had a nice, albeit, short season with the Sox.  In a mere 76 games, he cranked 16 HR and had an OBP of .366.  You can’t be out there messing the front of your pants over Matt Davidson and then hate on Jose Canseco for doing the same shit when he was 36.  If we brought in Jose Canseco today at age 53, he’d easily be the best hitter in our outfield.

Jose, any time you want to come hang in the 108, first round of PEDs are on us.

-Chorizy-E

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Welcome Back Mr. Covey

I see you out there, gingerly stepping aboard the James Shields train and I am more than happy to say welcome!  And if you’ve come this far, maybe you’re willing to come a little further.  Let’s welcome back one Mr Dylan Covey to our starting rotation.

I know what you’re thinking.  Hey Chorizy, this guy has a 7.58 career ERA.  Yes, yes he does.  But there is something about this guy that I like.  I mean, I’ve talked a lot about how it’s important to be a groundball pitcher in this park.  And you gotta feel for this kid as he was drafted by Milwaukee only to find out he was diabetic.  Then in his go around with the A’s, an injury caused issues with his development that lead him here.  Then he got hurt here.  But that’s not it, there’s just something about him.

Now, if we look at his minor league career, while it wasn’t great in the lower levels, it appears that the control kicked in at some point.  His AA and AAA numbers, although a small sample size are very good.  You could imagine that if he truly has fixed his control issues, he could be a solid back of the rotation guy or a longman out of the pen.  But I don’t think it’s his overcoming of his control issues that has me excited.  You know what, I can’t figure it out, just something about this kid that I like.

-Chorizy-E

A Marvel of a Team

Yes, this is a post about Marvel super heroes as baseball players.  Did you get the pun?!  If you didn’t like it, you might as well stop reading now because this is some total nerd shit.  But hey, I’m comfortable with that.

First off, I’m sticking to the movies here.  I don’t have the comic book knowledge to lay down an entire league of players.  And as much as I’d love to have a blind short stop, I’m gonna leave the TV shows out as well.

The Outfield

For my outfield, I’m gonna have War Machine and Iron Man in the corners and the Vision in centerfield.  Look, these guys can fly.  I don’t mean they’re fast, but they actually fly.  This seems seriously advantageous in the outfield.  I mean, look at the money Gary Matthews Jr got for that one amazing catch.  These guys would have caught that Glen Allen Hill HR that almost knocked down a building in Wrigleyville.  Not to mention, if you try to run on the Vision, he could just vaporize you with a laser from his head.

The Corners

This is also the middle of my order.  I’m going with Hulk and Thor at the corners.  They showed their ability to club shit in Ragnarok.  Not to mention, they were tossing around a bowling ball, so I figure a baseball is nothing to toss across the diamond.  We’re gonna have to put Hulk at the hot corner so he can get some balls pelted at him and keep him mad.  We have no use for Bruce Banner on this team.

Middle Infield

Baseball is the game that lends best to individual players and their talent, but the middle infield needs to work well together and needs to know what each other is going to do.  So I’m not going with mutant strength or power here, I’m going Hawkeye and Black Widow.  If you think Javy Baez has slick moves, wait’ll you see Black Widow out there.  Best is, you won’t even be ashamed about how turned on you get by watching her like you do with Baez.  We’ll put Black Widow at second base, so she’s a bit separated from Hulk.  Again, we have no use for Bruce Banner on this team, so let’s not tempt fate.

Catcher

From the looks of it, he accidentally put his shin guards on his arms in the Avengers trailer.  But we’ll get that sorted out for Captain America.  Look, the captain of the team is probably gonna be the catcher that’s been around for a good 90 years or so.  He’ll impart his wisdom on the young kids and block the shit out of that plate.

Starting Pitchers

Winter Soldier is the ace of the staff.  I mean, the guy has a metal arm that can stop bullets.  I’m pretty sure he can throw hard as fuck.  Not to mention, he’s kind of a bad guy, so he’ll have no problem backing you off the plate.  Black Panther is in the staff, with that vibranium suit and those claws, he can scuff the ball like no other and you know I am all for that.  Ant Man is next, mainly because he can throw one of those chips at the ball and make it gigantic so it just disintegrates bats.  Spider Man is already spitting webs like Peter North, so why not do the same with baseballs.  Scarlet Witch is the 5, but if you actually hit the ball off of her, she’ll just stop it in mid air and send it right back in your face.

Relief Staff

This is pretty easy.  If you need to guard a lead, you might as well get the weirdos you trust with the whole galaxy.

Closer

Dr Strange is the perfect closer.  First off, he has magical stuff.  Second, you know you wish your team had a closer that wore a cape.  Third, even if he gives up a game winner, he can just turn back time and try again.  Last, he can do that beer trick.

And obviously, Stan Lee owns the team.

-Chorizy-E

Was Jake Taylor a Terrible Person?

April 7th marks the anniversary of the release of my favorite baseball movie, Major League.  I watch it a few times a year and I love it.  And trust me when I tell you, what I am about to write doesn’t make me love the movie any less.  It simply casts Jake Taylor in a different light.  I’m still rooting for them to win and I know you will continue to as well, but we need to examine if Jake is a terrible person.

We’re gonna roll right past the fact that he felt the need to berate Dorn about missing grounders, but not about his infidelities.  And we’re gonna forget that when the pitcher he’s mentoring (who happens to be his roommate and also happens to be an ex-convict) is super depressed and is going out drinking, Jake didn’t feel the need to keep an eye on that.  We’ll chalk that up to bad decision making.  What I want to focus on is the Lynn situation.

Restaurant Encounter

While out with two of his teammates, Jake notices his girlfriend from a few years back at another table having dinner with a person who she is pretty obviously in a relationship with.  He says “That’s my wife” which leads to some funny comments from both Willie and Rick.  He then decides to go with the old “the call is coming from inside the house” trick, which women love.  All in order to try to get her phone number.  The scene is great and it’s a comedy, so you go with it.  But imagine this in a real life situation.  You’re at a dinner with people from work.  You’ve worked with a guy for 2-3 months and he’s never mentioned a wife or wore a wedding ring.  Then he looks over and claims a woman is his wife, backtracks and says, well we used to date years ago.  After that he decides he’s going to play a prank on her and demands her phone number.  I’m pretty sure you’d never hang out with that psychopath again.

Library Encounter

So apparently, he got a fake number in the previous encounter.  Therefore he did what any reasonable person would do in this situation, he showed up at her job to confront her about it.  There is nothing that says I am a stable person that just wants to be your friend like showing up at the other person’s job and getting into an argument with them.  Also during this argument, there is a laundry list of shit that lays out why Jake was such a horrible boyfriend.

The Books

One of the things he does to get back into Lynn’s good graces is he reads the books that he promised for years he would.  But does he?  Does he really?  I’m pretty sure they show him with comic book versions of these books.  This is George Costanza level.  If you did that in high school, you’d fail your ass off.

Tom’s Place

This scene is just weird in general.  I mean, Jake goes from street level directly into this dude’s apartment without so much as even a knock.  I know Cleveland has almost 0 crime, but this seems like a major security flaw of Tom’s housing.  Also, this is right after Lynn left work and yet there are a bunch of well dressed people drinking in her living room.  Not to mention, there are 3 couples there and one couple is much older and there is no explanation of that.  But all that aside, after all the previous stuff above, Jake decided the right move was to follow Lynn home after work.  This is restraining order style stuff.  Then he gives that monologue about the girl he had picked out, which ends with him basically saying “Tom, I’d really love to get back to boning your fiance”.  A class move indeed.

Lynn’s Place

Jake sees Lynn at a game, so he knows that he has to race out of the park and follow her home, again.  But there is a problem, his car is on the other side of the park.  He runs up and asks the security guard for a car.  Now, this seems kind of crazy on the surface, but the security guard doesn’t even flinch.  Maybe it’s just bad acting, but it seems to me like Jake has made this request before and the guard reacts accordingly.  Then he tells Jake to take the bullpen cart.  How many times has Jake been cruising around Cleveland in the bullpen cart.  Actually, I think this is awesome, but I digress.  So now he follows Lynn home and once again, he just walks into the house.  But this time, he turns a corner and they hook up.

In the end, Lynn shows up at the play-in game and has no wedding ring on.  This leads me to this conclusion: Lynn is actually the terrible person and Jake is simply a master tactician who not only knew to bunt in the ninth or knew that Ricky Vaughn could strike out Clu Haywood with 3 straight fastballs, but he also knew that all the ridiculous shit above was the way to Lynn’s heart.

-Chorizy-E

The One Hitter…James Shields To Start Home Opener

Due to the snowed out game today, the White Sox rotation lines up to have James Shields start the home opener on Thursday.  This is much to the dismay of most of the Sox fans I’ve seen online today.  Now, you know that I actually think Shields will have a good year, but I’ll put that aside if you can agree to really think about what you’re asking when you ask for a different starter for the home opener.

I’ve seen people suggesting today that pitching Shields for the home opener is some indication that the Sox don’t care about their fans.  This is a really strange idea to me.  What would you prefer?  Do you want Rick Hahn and Brooks Boyer to go to Rick Renteria and tell him to alter his rotation because fans don’t like the guy who lines up to start for the home opener?  Do you want Renteria to take the ball from one of his few veterans to appease fans?  I have to say, Ricky being that spineless won’t go far in the clubhouse.  But does that mean he doesn’t care about the fans?  Does it mean he doesn’t want to win?  No, it’s ridiculous to assume that.  It’s also ridiculous to assume that he should take the feelings of the fans into account when he’s trying to manage the team.

On top of that, the current rotations line up to be James Shields v Jordan Zimmerman, Lucas Giolito v Michael Fulmer, and Reynaldo Lopez v Francisco Liriano.  I personally wouldn’t want anyone else in the rotation to go against Michael Fulmer.  So if you don’t like the opening day starter, sell those tickets and come to Saturday’s game.  We’ll be there trying to drink beers before they freeze, please join us.

-Chorizy-E

The 5 – New Food Predictions (Special Guest Post by Simpossible)

Simpossible has been a huge 108 supporter for awhile. He attended a Baderbrau tailgate and has crashed the 108 several times. Most recently he attended SoxFest18 with MSS, sorry about that man! His first blog is a keeper, read on-

The season is quickly approaching but there is always one big event between now and the April 5th home opener – media day. Every year, members of the Chicago journalism community secure their golden ticket to a tour of Brooks Boyer and the Baseball Factory. They showcase new upgrades to the stadium and discuss promotions but there’s one main attraction: the food. Last year the Sox debuted a 16” mac & cheese grilled cheese brisket, a chocolate gyro, the Wok Off, and oh yes, the Craft Kave. This year, we’ll try to get ahead of the curve and predict some new items that might debut.

Moncada’s Empanadas – The 108ers already wrote about the alleged existence of empanada’s at Sox park. Sounds like a good time to remarket with a brand new spokesperson. Empanadas have to be healthier than Twinkies, just imagine what would happen if Yoan Moncada ate a box of empanadas instead of a box of Twinkies every day. He’d probably look… the same because he’s already the most jacked monster to ever roam the earth. The point being, empanadas are versatile, tasty, and portable. They deserve to be at the G-Rate.

Nicky D’s Breaded SteakNicky Delmonico was a sensation last year with the stats to match. He’s deserving of repping one of Chicago’s famed Italian dishes – the breaded steak sandwich. To honor Nicky’s refined palette, for an extra charge it can be topped with his favorite food: chicken fingers.

Charlie Tilson Chicken Wings – Meat tears right off the bone, which may be fractured in several spots. They’re available for the 2018 season but don’t count on ever getting any.

The Jose Abreu Saladino – For our healthier fans that lost 15 pounds this off-season and actually want to keep it off, this option features arugula, toasted almonds, cranberries, and skinless chicken strips. These ingredients are then put into a meat grinder, rolled into a ball, deep fried in funnel cake oil, and topped with nacho cheese.

Shield’s Meals – For the bargain shoppers. Any leftover foods from the game before compiled into a bowl and thrown out there because it’s a rebuild year, even for the chefs.

All of the items above has gone through a very successful pilot program with one participant. Below is a before and after photo.

-Simpossible

The 108 Interview Series – Jeremy Scheuch Royals Superfan

You may not know him by name, but you have probably seen him around Sox Park, stopped in your tracks, and thought: Holy shit, this guy really loves the Royals! And he does. So now you’re asking, why is Chorizy-E interviewing a Royals fan? Well, I love baseball and I love going to the games, so hearing from an outsider that sees a lot of games at Sox Park interests me quite a bit. Not only that, I think his charity work is awesome, so I wanted to spread the word. So let’s meet Jeremy Scheuch.

Chorizy-E: How does a KC Royals superfan end up living in Chicago?

Jeremy: The marketing company I used to work for transferred me here in 2005. (If I remember correctly, that was a good year for the White Sox)

Chorizy-E: Having lived in Chicago as long as you have, but having an outsider’s perspective, how would you compare the Wrigley Field vs Sox Park (Guaranteed Rate/US Cellular/Comiskey Park) experience?

Jeremy: Wrigley is a great historic intimate ballpark. That kind of things wear off somewhat quickly and the wide concourses, bigger seats, better bathrooms, parking lots, and food options at Comiskey make it better to me.

Chorizy-E: What are your go-to food and drink options at Sox Park?

Jeremy: I’m typically a beer and hot dog kind of guy.

Chorizy-E: You’ll have to come out to the 108 for a dollar dog day and add to the carnage.

Chorizy-E: What has been your favorite experience at Sox Park?

Jeremy: Sitting front row on September 26, 2014 when the Royals clinched their first playoffs in 29 years.

Chorizy-E: You became an internet sensation when you rocked a vintage Royals cap and jacket at one of their games. Tell us the story.

Jeremy: I’ve been going to Royals games in Chicago since I moved here in 2005. In 2014 when the Royals were getting closer to clinching that playoff spot, I happened to get those crazy seats behind home plate from a friend of a friend and the rest just happened from there.

Chorizy-E: What is your favorite piece of Royals memorabilia?

Jeremy: Probably a baseball from that 2014 playoff clinching game.

Chorizy-E: We’ve seen some of the Royals art you’ve created, what’s the piece that means the most to you? We also saw that you’ve done a Frank Thomas zombie piece, what other Sox players would you do?

Jeremy: My favorite Royals art is probably the Mike Moustakas Moose Dong one, just because it’s so stupid and fun. Some people take baseball a little too seriously and I like to make it weird. I grew up with Frank Thomas, one of my favorites as a kid, but I’m up for anyone. I did do a Harold Brains baseball card that was pretty funny I think.

Chorizy-E: We took a trip to KC last year for Royals/Sox. It was a great time as we’ve documented, but we did notice that there were hardly any vintage jerseys. Maybe a couple of George Brett jerseys, but no Bret Saberhagen, Frank White, Dan Quisenberry, even Bo Jackson. As someone with vintage Royals gear-a-plenty, what’s going on there?

Jeremy: The Royals don’t have as much history as some other teams, but I always see Whites and Wilsons, and Bo jerseys at games.

Chorizy-E: Also on said trip, we hit a place called the Hi-Dive with a Mystery Beer Machine. Have you been? If so, tell us about a Mystery Beer Machine experience.

Jeremy: Hi-Dive opened after I left KC. I was a Buzzard Beach kind of guy.

Chorizy-E: Looking at a pic of it that shows “Great High Life Specials”. Seems like our kind of place. We’ll hit it up next time through.

Chorizy-E: What’s your outlook for the 2018 Royals? What did you think about the way they handled their many free agents this offseason?

Jeremy: Just like every year, I go in with no expectations but hope for the best. I’m just glad it’s almost baseball season.

Chorizy-E: Tell us about the work you are doing in Puerto Rico and what inspired you to take on this work?

Jeremy: My girlfriend and I love going to Puerto Rico. We went about 3 times a year before Maria. After the hurricane, we decided we needed to do something so we worked with our friend Carlos, who is from PR and over the days and weeks and months, things just kept getting bigger and bigger. They still need a lot of help and we couldn’t turn our back on a place that has given us so much. You can found out more about we have done at http://www.happyhelpertons.org

Big thanks to Jeremy for taking the time to do this interview.  We hope to see him in the 108 at least a few times this year.

-Chorizy-E

PS: Quick heads up that we’re running low on our new hoodies especially in bigger sizes, so get over to the From The 108 shop to get yours: https://fromthe108.bigcartel.com/

2018 Predictions Show

Just wanted to thank everyone that came out last night, those that watched on Periscope, and Baderbrau for hosting.  It was a ton of fun and we got a chance to catch up with some more Sox friends.  Hope everyone had as good of a time as we did.

The predictions were pretty insane, so just our speed.  My personal favorites were Bonita Steakie’s prediction about Chris Sale and MSS’s about what would happen if Javier Baez stepped to Yoan Moncada.  Others mentioned in the predictions included Rick Renteria, Ron Kittle, Mike North, Peter North, James Shields, OJ Simpson, Eloy Jimenez, Todd Frazier, Marge Schott, Michael Kopech, Charlie Tilson, James Duda, Adam Engel, AlohaMrHand, Avisail Garcia, Nate Jones, Harambe, and more.  Check it out here:


-Chorizy-E

Las Vegas Chorizys: The Concessions

This is the final part of a multi-part series in which I woo venture capitalists to put up the money for the 31st MLB team.  If you’re not a venture capitalist and you don’t want to give me a dump truck full of cash, you can still read on.

You’re at the park, so time to shovel something into your face.  I mean, this is America guys!

Snacks

When I think snack food in Vegas, I think of the ridiculous downtown casinos that serve insane fried foods.  We’re gonna have fried Twinkies in hopes we can sign Yoan Moncada in free agency at some point.  We’ll also have fried Oreos, Snickers, and what the hell, just bring us food and we’ll throw it in the fryer for you for $1.

Food

Obviously the food will be ridiculous.  Actually, you know what?  We’re just gonna have 30 Heart Attack Grills in the stadium.  If you don’t know what that is, check it out: http://www.heartattackgrill.com/.  You have to love their vegan option: Lucky Strike Cigarettes.  That’s our kind of place.  There will also be a buffet.  And yes, we know plumbing will be a larger expense than our relief pitching staff.

Drinks

Believe it or not, people like to drink in Vegas.  Of course we’ll have those gigantic bull shit sugar drinks that you see idiots walking around with on the strip.  We’ll probably do some stupid baseball bat full of everclear and blue ice too.  But the real deal is finding the Casino Royale bar in right field (right behind the 108) where you’ll get their patented $2 Michelob special.  My stomach hurts just thinking about all of this gloriously gross booze.

-Chorizy-E

Las Vegas Chorizys: The Stadium

This is the second part of a multi-part series in which I woo venture capitalists to put up the money for the 31st MLB team.  If you’re not a venture capitalist and you don’t want to give me a dump truck full of cash, you can still read on.

We all know that stadiums are key to a team drawing in some fans.  But more importantly, when you’re just making shit up you can build the stadium to fit the ridiculous team you threw together from the current free agents.

Name

Hyman Roth was so damn upset that they didn’t even name a street after this guy that I’m gonna name a whole damn stadium after him.  Moe Greene Memorial Park will be a fantastic dome in downtown Vegas.  Yep, we’re going old school.

Dimensions

If you saw the horrid defensive outfield I put together and if you noticed the amount of power that should be in the lineup, then you know that the corners are gonna be about 300 ft and CF is gonna go all the way back to 375 ft.  Look, they’re already juicing the balls, so what’s the difference if I pull the fence in ridiculously.  And no, I’m not putting in some terrible 90 ft wall because I need at least one Melky over the wall catch.  Also, RIP in peace to my pitchers’ ERAs.

Amenities

Most MLB parks have some bars within the stadium and they vary in how cool or themed they are.  Not here.  The Vegas Chorizys have a sportsbook in the stadium, Lefty Rosenthal’s Aces High Sportsbook is out in left field of course.  Just wait til you’re sitting there in late September asking your friend how the hell he got Oklahoma/Michigan!  But it won’t just be the sportsbook.  The upper deck will be $1 tickets, but we’re gonna have a hell of a lot of slot machines up there to make some cash.  Last but not least, there will be a strip club “The Dugout” in center field.  We assume you will meet Pete Rose there, even if you don’t want to.

-Chorizy-E