Howdy friends….In a galaxy, not so far away, in a time that was, well 6 years ago, Section 108’s very own, Slumpbuster was in a commercial for the Champagne Lodge…you know, the Sybaris’ long lost cousin. Anywho, some how, some way, our pal Slumpbuster knew a guy who was able to get him into the commercial and not just IN the commercial, but he’s a main fucking character in the commercial. See below, for a fine slice of character acting…..
Admittedly, the first time we saw this after a Friday night Sox game, all together at Casa de BeefLoaf, we laughed our collective asses off. It is not everyday that one of your chucklehead friends gets to be on TV acting like an even bigger jackass than normal. So, since I was thinking about it, I figured I would share this piece of 108 history with all of you.
I hope you enjoyed it!
Just wanted to thank everyone that came out last night, those that watched on Periscope, and Baderbrau for hosting. It was a ton of fun and we got a chance to catch up with some more Sox friends. Hope everyone had as good of a time as we did.
The predictions were pretty insane, so just our speed. My personal favorites were Bonita Steakie’s prediction about Chris Sale and MSS’s about what would happen if Javier Baez stepped to Yoan Moncada. Others mentioned in the predictions included Rick Renteria, Ron Kittle, Mike North, Peter North, James Shields, OJ Simpson, Eloy Jimenez, Todd Frazier, Marge Schott, Michael Kopech, Charlie Tilson, James Duda, Adam Engel, AlohaMrHand, Avisail Garcia, Nate Jones, Harambe, and more. Check it out here:
Being a stay at home dad has its upsides. Most of my days I am in shorts or sweats all day. We have a wide open calendar most days (ending soon as we signed up for spring “Daddy and Me” classes) which allows us to have a “see where the day takes us” kind of attitude. So when BeefLoaf alerted me that Mike North was having an estate sale, I was in without even thinking about it. I mean, he has to have some really good stuff right?
So we packed up the car and I grabbed my checkbook. We drove north to The Norths’ and of course the Chicago traffic wasn’t friendly. So many damn trucks. Little Miss Shortstop (LMSS) was awesome in the car though and was happy to get out.
Yep, this is how we found the sale. There were tons of cars in the area so I braced myself to have to wait to get in, but alas it was no issue. Estate sales are a crapshoot, I went to a few last fall and vowed to never go to another. I did have some luck last fall, hit a house with 6,000 Starting LineUp Figures most selling for $1 each. But usually you hit sales where they charge Ebay high prices. With the build up in the paper I was expecting to see collectors as far as the eye could see. But do you know who is at an estate sale at 10:30 on a Thursday? OLD PEOPLE. We saw several going in as we entered the garage.
In the garage we picked up some stuff, including a set of White Sox and Bears bean bags (for $1 each) and a custom bat made for Mike. I was met by a very lovely lady at the door who asked me to put on some booties like you see in CSI. Which given the foot traffic I fully understand. We entered the kitchen.
It’s a dope house. Lots of character. And in the kitchen you could get any type of kitchen device, utensil, container, whatevs for a pretty cheap price. But the blender was sold, or was on hold rather, till the little old lady came back to see if she had the missing piece at home so she could purchase the blender. I wanna have time like that. I wasn’t really into the kitchen stuff so I moved to the living room.
At this point I noticed a lot of the older crowd carrying bottles of booze around. I was like “shit, I just missed the booze sale”, which I didn’t even know was an option. Luckily I only drink beer and there was no beer. On the couch pictured above, they had tons of jerseys which I went through. Lotta Bears, but not my size. There was an old school 670 softball jersey which was a XXL (that I almost bought for BeefLoaf) but alas they wanted too much money. Which was a totally reasonable price, but just a little more than I wanted to spend. We hit the den and grabbed the holy grail, a MIKE NORTH BOBBLEHEAD. $3! SCORE. I was looking at some mini helmets and my daughter spotted it. And she wouldn’t let it go.
I knew of this doll’s existence. I had never seen one, but there it was. A 3ft “Mr.Playboy” bunny, holding a martini glass and a pipe. Dressed in a smoking jacket, tux shirt, pants and slippers. It was pretty awesome and my daughter kept yelling “Bunny! Bunny!” So being the great father I am, I grabbed the bunny and my daughter embraced it and gave it a kiss. I also grabbed a Ditka mini helmet and left them with the lovely lady watching the door. We headed downstairs which I had been told had all the sports stuff.
AHH-MA-ZING. Now, it didn’t look exactly like this, but it was pretty damn close. Everything left on the walls was for sale and there was some pretty damn interesting stuff. I was made aware that only cash was accepted and I was only holding $80 so I was being picky. Saw some great White Sox stuff that would have looked good in the house, but this caught my eye.
How fucking cool. Found another bobblehead too, and at this point Little Miss Shortstop was thrilled as there were toys and coloring books! So she got what she wanted and we went behind the amazing bar. IT WAS HUGE. Like, the size of my kitchen. When I talked to the boys later, I said it was “we wouldn’t go to games” nice. I could see Mike holding court there back in the day and what an amazing upgrade on a sweet house. 6 GODDAMN TV’S. Simply awesome.
After we went though all the stuff, we made our way upstairs to make our purchases. I asked if Mike was there, they said he was, but he was upstairs. I brought some 108 gear for him and wanted to pass it on, which I did. I didn’t feel like it was important enough to get him, so we just gave it to one of his buddies working the sale. We loaded up our gear and LMSS decided that she was ready to take a walk. Being a lovely day we decided that we’d walk the block a few times. Thank you to Mike’s neighbors that didn’t yell at me or my daughter (who has no desire to walk on the sidewalk) for walking in your grass.
After we picked up 3 pine cones and chased a squirrel we decided (me, just me) that it was time to go. As we walked back to the car, Mike’s buddy yelled at me to come in, Mike was in the kitchen. So being a guy who never misses his moment, I grabbed the bobbles and the bat. Mike was holding court in HIS kitchen. My first memory of Mike was the infamous Ozzie Guillen call. Same voice. Looked great! Before he even finished his conversation with another fan he bounced over to us and thanked me for the gear. Just a natural conversation and he took some pics with us. He also signed the bat and the bobbles and I am not joking shot the breeze with us like we’ve known each other for years.
I asked if he still goes to games, he said nah, he’s got all the packages. But I let him know that if he ever wanted to come to a Sox game with us, we’d love to have him. I dropped that Kittle had spent some quality time in the 108 and that seemed to peak his interest. He asked if we had season tickets, I said yes, and he said that if we ever have an extra to message him and he’d come down. FUCKING AWESOME. I don’t know if we can handle both Mike and Ron, but goddamn how sweet would that be? BeefLoaf would mess himself. I might get a few questions in, but I am sure they would control the conversation. So let’s hope (and pray if that is your thing) that Mike was serious and will grace us with his presence this summer.
It was a great day. LMSS loved it and was a peach all day. Thanks for opening your house Mike and doing it right. If you wanna buy some of his stuff, they are there today (Friday March 16th) from 9am til 3pm and Saturday from 9am to 1pm. The address is 631 Austin Ave. in Park Ridge. Swing by and say hi. He’ll love it and you will too. Thanks again Mike, see ya this summer.
A few weeks back we got a question for the Sunday Soak (on Saturday), by friend of the blog and the host of the Sox Machine podcast Josh Nelson, asking what food items we would add this season to the bevy of choices at Sox Park. My answer during the Soak was an answer that I have had percolating in my semi-functioning brain for the past decade or so, Beef Jerky. I’m very satisfied with that answer, but it sort of brought me to a deeper point in why I (and Chorizy-E) don’t really eat much at the ballpark and what types of foods might inspire me to eat at the ballpark more. You see, when you are #108ing, it usually involves a tall frosty brew, possibly 2 of them as the crew often gets themselves “backed up” as we call it in the business. So we have one brew in “the holster” (ie the cup holder behind the seat in front of you) and one on the ground (where, by the way, it’s perfectly safe to eat a soft pretzel that MAY have rested there for moments after a celebration mishap), not to mention, we are likely involved in a conversation involving Seinfeld, Music, a previous trip / vacation or possibly even the White Sox and baseball. We might also have our phones out tweeting the next most recent mundane, marginally humorous, thought that crosses our mind. You get the picture, we got a lot going on in the 108 at any given moment, so the last thing we need is a food items that takes two hands and a tv dinner tray to eat. If it requires a fork, it can fuck off. We need convenience. A slice of pizza is convenient, a hot dog is convenient, because you can palm these like one of those mini-basketballs that they used to make in the 90’s with your favorite NBA team on them and throw that shit down. Here is a short list of my other favorite foods that fit that bill and would be a perfect fit for Sox Park. As Chorizy-E always says “we know Brooks Boyer is listening”, so here I go…….
Beef Jerky (Time)
As I said on the broadcast, there isn’t a single better addition to the ballpark food selection, in my mind, than some local, premium Beef Jerky. I think you could charge a decent price for it too, as it is the perfect compliment to a tall, cold Modelo. I know the 108ers would indulge quite frequently and it would surely enhance our ballpark experience. Most importantly though, it is a very convenient food, as I can one hand stab that chit and still drink brews and tweet and possibly even watch Adam Engel strike out on 3 pitches.
Look, I know what you are going to say, I can just see it now on twitter “Popcorn balls suck” and then some lunatic is going to go to the mattresses defending PopCorn balls like it was his Mom’s honor. I don’t mean to cause such distress in an otherwise peaceful twitterverse. PopCorn balls have a tortured history for people our age, because it was a special treat to get a PopCorn ball and actually get to eat it. I remember we would occasionally see them on Halloween when the weird guy with no kids down the block that looked like he worked a job with his hands and would always be dirty like a mechanic, but was on disability would sit on his porch with his German Shepherd and hand them out. But back then, you couldn’t eat such a delectable treat from such a trustworthy gift giver. NOPE! There was widespread fear that these items had RAZOR BLADES in them. Do you remember that? Do you remember your folks vigorously searching through your Halloween candy to ensure its safety? If only they vigorously checked and helped you with your homework back then you wouldn’t be unemployed from your gas pumping job in Oregon because those stupid legislators now believe it is safe for people to pump their own gas. I digress, it was PopCorn Balls and Apples that were supposedly injected with RAZOR BLADES. Can you imagine the patience and attention to detail it would take to get a RAZOR BLADE into either of these items and avoid detection so that the unsuspecting child bit into it and cut up their face? Well, my parents and lots of other parents could, so we couldn’t really eat PopCorn balls…..but guess what, if the White Sox were to sell them at the ballpark, now you can, and there probably aren’t even too many of the RAZOR BLADE ones left from the 1990’s. Sure the PopCorn ball isn’t really that good, but imagine the PopCorn ball fight that could break out in the 108 after last call. If memory serves, the PopCorn ball is a little heavier and a little less curvier than a whiffle ball, so it would be loads of fun.
According to MySoxSummer, they already have empanadas at Sox Park, but since I don’t believe his recall is accurate on said things, we trudge on. Empanadas also fit the bill as being a one handed food experience. Jim Abbott could crush an empanada without using his non-throwing hand, so you know its good. If you haven’t had an empanada before, SHAME. ON. YOU. I think local restaurant Nana should supply them because they make the best empanadas around. The way an empanada is put together, you can actually cheers the ends of the empanada with your neighbor before you take the first bite and break it open. It’s a perfect celebratory food for the ballpark!
There is no more Bridgeportian treat on this list than Cannolis. No, I am not talking about the bastardized mini cannolis (which are delicious as well), I am talking about a fucking full sized Cannoli. There are many spots in Bridgeport that make a fine cannoli and could be able to sling them at games. Again, the cannoli is a one handed treat, that a person can eat and tweet with. If Chorizy-E and I can ever get one of the local joints to sponsor it, we intend to do a Cannoli eating competition, possibly with some of you folks, but it’s still a work in progress. Until then, Cannolis are fucking terrific and should be a main part of the ballpark that is in Bridgeport (Bonita Steakie would tell me, daddy, it’s actually Armour Square….she can go pound sand).
While we are on the dessert tip, let me just bring in something from our Japanese brothers and sisters. Mochi is Japanese ice cream, with a thin, dumpling-like case around it. Not only do the Japanese make weird flavors like Green Tea that turn out to be fucking delicious, but these are hella easy to eat given the outter casing. Only one draw back is that they have a light dusting of powdered sugar on the outside, but it’s not that the big of a deal because 25% of the adults sitting in the outfield corners / bleachers are doing blow in bathrooms anyway. Just think if Rick Hahn would’ve gotten off his ass and brought in some Mochi for the meeting with Shohei Ohtani, we might not have to pretend that Carson Fulmer is a starting pitcher. Now, some of you will say, look we have a few different ice cream options at the ballpark, and YES, those options are good, including Dip n’ Dots (which I enjoy as well), but Mochi is far superior in fitting the criteria I have laid out as well as tasting great!
This could be the Cadillac of stadium foods and yet, the #WhiteSox who trot out basically everything as a potential food item don’t take it seriously. There are numerous restaurants in Bridgeport’s neighborhood cousin Chinatown that make a mean Hom Bao. The two main versions are BBQ Pork or Ham and Egg. Both are delicious, both would go great with a tall, cold Modelo. They are also super easy to eat, as they are basically a closed, or semi closed sandwich. This is the type of snack that allows you to make a passionate case for why trading Nick Swisher to the Yankees was a bad idea and not lose any of the contents of the Hom Bao. As kids, Chorizy-E and I crushed many Hom Bao’s on Sunday mornings (typically leading up to a Bears game, you know, when they were good)…..although Chorizy-E is a pussy and doesn’t like Eggs so he’d de-Egg his, but still, its a fine sandwich. I think if properly marketed, the Hom Bao would crush at #WhiteSox games. Brooks, book it!
Food for the passionate White Sox fan.
This is the final part of a multi-part series in which I woo venture capitalists to put up the money for the 31st MLB team. If you’re not a venture capitalist and you don’t want to give me a dump truck full of cash, you can still read on.
You’re at the park, so time to shovel something into your face. I mean, this is America guys!
When I think snack food in Vegas, I think of the ridiculous downtown casinos that serve insane fried foods. We’re gonna have fried Twinkies in hopes we can sign Yoan Moncada in free agency at some point. We’ll also have fried Oreos, Snickers, and what the hell, just bring us food and we’ll throw it in the fryer for you for $1.
Obviously the food will be ridiculous. Actually, you know what? We’re just gonna have 30 Heart Attack Grills in the stadium. If you don’t know what that is, check it out: http://www.heartattackgrill.com/. You have to love their vegan option: Lucky Strike Cigarettes. That’s our kind of place. There will also be a buffet. And yes, we know plumbing will be a larger expense than our relief pitching staff.
Believe it or not, people like to drink in Vegas. Of course we’ll have those gigantic bull shit sugar drinks that you see idiots walking around with on the strip. We’ll probably do some stupid baseball bat full of everclear and blue ice too. But the real deal is finding the Casino Royale bar in right field (right behind the 108) where you’ll get their patented $2 Michelob special. My stomach hurts just thinking about all of this gloriously gross booze.
This is the second part of a multi-part series in which I woo venture capitalists to put up the money for the 31st MLB team. If you’re not a venture capitalist and you don’t want to give me a dump truck full of cash, you can still read on.
We all know that stadiums are key to a team drawing in some fans. But more importantly, when you’re just making shit up you can build the stadium to fit the ridiculous team you threw together from the current free agents.
Hyman Roth was so damn upset that they didn’t even name a street after this guy that I’m gonna name a whole damn stadium after him. Moe Greene Memorial Park will be a fantastic dome in downtown Vegas. Yep, we’re going old school.
If you saw the horrid defensive outfield I put together and if you noticed the amount of power that should be in the lineup, then you know that the corners are gonna be about 300 ft and CF is gonna go all the way back to 375 ft. Look, they’re already juicing the balls, so what’s the difference if I pull the fence in ridiculously. And no, I’m not putting in some terrible 90 ft wall because I need at least one Melky over the wall catch. Also, RIP in peace to my pitchers’ ERAs.
Most MLB parks have some bars within the stadium and they vary in how cool or themed they are. Not here. The Vegas Chorizys have a sportsbook in the stadium, Lefty Rosenthal’s Aces High Sportsbook is out in left field of course. Just wait til you’re sitting there in late September asking your friend how the hell he got Oklahoma/Michigan! But it won’t just be the sportsbook. The upper deck will be $1 tickets, but we’re gonna have a hell of a lot of slot machines up there to make some cash. Last but not least, there will be a strip club “The Dugout” in center field. We assume you will meet Pete Rose there, even if you don’t want to.
This is the first part of a multi-part series in which I woo venture capitalists to put up the money for the 31st MLB team. If you’re not a venture capitalist and you don’t want to give me a dump truck full of cash, you can still read on.
Now, as you know, there are a ton of free agents still out there. So let’s see if we can put together an actual major league team. And not a bullshit Major League 3: Back to the Minors team. Let’s go:
Jonathan Lucroy and Geovany Soto are gonna man this position. Obviously Lucroy is the starter as he’s just younger and better. I know Carlos Ruiz is out there, but he’s older than me so I’m not gonna trust him to crouch behind the plate more than 5 or 6 times in a season. This is a good start. Two actual players that might actually still be able to play.
UPDATE: Fuck, we have to pick up Carlos Ruiz now. Have fun with the A’s Jonathan
There are definitely some guys here that are surprisingly still available. The most exciting thing is that we’ve found a home for Mike Moustakas. But let’s round out the infield with Neil Walker at 2B, J.J. Hardy at SS, and Mark Reynolds at 1B. We’ll throw Yunel Escobar in as our utility man. We’ve got some pretty good players and at the corners a lot of power and a shitload of strikeouts. So far so good.
UPDATE: Well, the NYY grabbed Walker, so now we need to slot in Peralta at 3B and Phillips at 2B
This is where things get sketchy. Let’s fill in the corner OF spots first. Let’s put Carlos Gonzalez in RF and Melky Cabrera in LF. Feels good so far. But let’s look at CF. With Jon Jay coming off the board, we’re left with very little as far as guys who can not look like Kyle Schwarber out there. I’m gonna go with Drew Stubbs mainly because I think it’s an awesome name. He sounds like he should play guitar in a blues band, but instead he’s just a bad CF. Franklin Gutierrez will be our 4th OF. I’ve drafted him in about 100 different fantasy leagues over the years and I am always disappointed, so why stop now.
UPDATE: Well, Cargo is gone, so this outfield is gonna continue to get worse defensively with the addition of Jose Bautista. Joey Bats better bring the lumber.
Matt Holliday is our guy here. What I like about him is that even though he probably can’t hit anymore, we can get a good chuckle out of him playing the field every once in a while.
This is where we make our mark. We can still put together a pretty good rotation. Jake Arrieta, Alex Cobb, and Lance Lynn are obvious choices even if MySoxSummer only knows who one of those guys is. Our 4 and 5 are gonna be Jeremy Hellickson and Scott Feldman. Kudos to MLB teams for taking all the fun choices I had for those (Bartolo and Timmy). Regardless of who we get here, Arrieta is key since he obviously has access to “pilates” or whatever he calls steroids.
UPDATE: With Lynn going to the Twins, we could pick up Anibal Sanchez now that he’s been jettisoned from the 40 man roster. But instead, we’re gonna add a knuckleballer to the mix. I mean, why not add R.A. Dickey when you have a couple of old catchers that will need to learn to catch him.
UPDATE: Hellickson is off the board, so we’re picking up Matt Garza.
This is a bit of a rough group, but we’re gonna go with a bunch of dudes who have closed games regardless of their age or arm health, so in other words, the Sox bullpen. Greg Holland will close and with us only carrying 12 position players, we gotta pick up 7 more dudes (sounds like the start to a group “love” video). So let’s rattle em off: Huston Street, Drew Storen, Chad Qualls, Koji Uehara, Jason Grilli, Joe Blanton, and since we probably need a lefty Eric O’Flaherty.
UPDATE: Koji decided to go play in Japan instead of for the Chorizys. That cuts deep. We’ll pick up Trevor Cahill to be the young buck of this team (he’s 30).
UPDATE: Cahill just signed. We’re gonna see how Ubaldo Jimenez likes throwing from the pen. I mean, really, he ain’t getting a starting job any time soon.
Now I know this isn’t the best team you’ve ever seen, but it’s way better than what should be available. So fill up that dump truck full of money and back it up to Chorizy’s place so we can drive it out to Vegas.
Yesterday during our pre-game drinking video, we discussed our favorite White Sox logos.
While we all agree the batter is the best logo, let’s take a look at a few of our other favorites:
My Sox Summer’s favorite:
Thanks to @ChiSoxAnthony27 for the question.
For more from yesterday’s video, check it out on YouTube:
Sports has tons of outlandish claims…….Wilt Chamberlain’s 20k women, Wade Boggs drinking 60 beers during a cross country flight, Larry Bird scoring 47 pts in a game with his left hand, Kim Jong Il’s amazing round of golf in which he shot 38 under par, with 11 holes in one and…..the 108ers drinking 25,000 oz of beer during the baseball season?? That’s right, yours truly came out with what I thought to be a reasonable claim to our friend Aloha Mr. Hand’s question in our most recent Saturday Soak, but apparently, some people saw it as NOT. SO. LIKELY.
Before we go down this path, I want to warn you folks, these calculations are purely hypothetical in nature and may or may not reflect what actually happens in the actual, actuality. Also, these calculations are just a reflection of the OG 108ers, so someone who is at tons of games with us like #Wally$ isn’t reflected in this number. If he were, well, it would obviously go higher (but we weren’t counting Bacardi consumption, so there’s that). There is also the matter of amount of games attended, MySoxSummer went to 76 games last year, yours truly, the ‘Loaf attended 60 games, we are only projecting 50 (well 51), so conservatism has been appropriately applied…..IN THEORY….not like this stuff would REALLY HAPPEN.
Okay, let’s dig in…..
First we look at Opening Day, a festive affair in which the 108ers have a private party with friends and family….
Next, we have the estimated 20 games that the 5 OG 108ers hit together, its mostly all Fridays and some Saturdays…
Finally, we have the estimated 30 games that just MSS, ‘Loaf and Chorizy-E hit together…
1,060 + 14,600 + 9,360 = 25,020 oz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All of this excludes extended Baderbrau tailgates, where the beer flows from gates to the 3rd inning, or Patio Parties or days were we just decide to hang out for several hours afterwards and drink the cooler to the bottom. Again, a CONSERVATIVE estimate. 😉
I know what you are saying….”BeefLoaf, is all that drinking considered healthy for the 108ers?”….well lucky for you (and luckier for us) one of our best friends in the whole wide world is a Real Life Doctor!!!! I reached out to our best friend in the whole wide world, Dr. Feelgood, to get his take on our barley & hops consumption. This is a serious medical opinion, so let’s be serious and listen….
“As the local medical consultant for all things 108, I’d have to say that this amount of alcohol consumption would be defined as, in medical jargon, detrimental to your health which in layman’s terms means “hella bad”.
Alcohol is directly toxic to your liver. It literally kills a small portion of your liver every time you drink it.
Luckily, the liver is the most resilient organ in your body.
Long term consumption of this magnitude increases cancer risk and can lead to cirrhosis and dementia.
The only problem is….108er’s are so fun to drink with and 25000oz is likely the only way imaginable to be able to sit through the amount of White Sox baseball they will watch this year.
Additionally, several case studies point to excellent alcohol consumption as a direct risk factor for becoming an elite athlete, with examples across multiple professional sports. For example, Wade Boggs, John Daly, Andre the Giant, and yes, the Babe himself, all consumed well over what the average American drinks per week, which is about 9 drinks. By this reasoning, you could just diagnose my guys in the 108 as well above average drinkers on their way to becoming elite athletes.”
See, we are not only doing something for the betterment of White Sox twitter, but we are nourishing out elite (blogger) athlete bodies!